Still Hurting...

Still hurting… Nov 29, 2008

Why have I started writing this blog? Maybe that's not the first question to cross your minds when you are visiting my blog for the first time. But that’s the first question on my mind when I finished writing the heading.

But I will answer that question later. How rude of me not to introduce myself. I will be brief. My name is **********. I am 21. I am a grad student pursuing my Masters in Biotechnology at Purdue.

I have started writing this blog in dire times. Not even 24 hours have passed since the Operation at the Taj Mahal hotel has ended, the body of the last terrorist has been thrown out unceremoniously and fittingly from one of the windows of the hotel. People reading this blog after a few years, maybe some after a few months won’t have any clues as to what I am talking about. Today is the 29^th of November 2008. Three days after Mumbai was attacked yet again by terrorists.

I won’t say that am past the 5 stages of grief. Still stuck somewhere between despair and acceptance. Why would I feel so strongly? Strong enough to write a blog? I am not sure of the answer myself. Many reasons I guess.

Let’s start with the obvious. It’s my city, my nation and I have a right to be angry. How do I express my anger? I turned my picture, on orkut and facebook, black and wrote messages of contempt against the terrorists. Then I talked about the incident with everyone I could get my hands on and finally the next weekend everything goes back to normal. I wish it were that easy. I tried it all but I am still hurting.

My great Nations politicians have for their own selfish notions turned my people against each other, leaving them vulnerable to attacks from the outside. Indeed these terrorists would not have been able to get everything done without help from the inside. What do I do? I spread the message of hate even further. Discriminate people on the basis of their nationality and caste. So far I was but an audience to my enemy. Now, I would turn into my enemy. But the hurt will be gone, replaced by anger, something more evil and yet more comforting. I wish I were that low and feeble minded. Because I am not, I am still hurting.

The next reason is more personal. It’s so personal that I have not even mentioned it to my family or friends. It’s always easy telling strangers something personal rather than your peers. I salute all those martyrs who gave their lives fighting the terrorists. But one of them, Additional Commissioner of Police, Officer Hemant Karkare I held and still hold in high regards. My Dad is also an IPS officer and Officer Karkare was his superior. It was through him that I knew Mr. Karkare. He was my neighbor. Every child has a dream when he is young, of being like his father or even better than his father. Mr. Karkare was my hero. It was that simple. Today, my dreams may be different, but my heroes remain, and now one of them is immortal. I believe that’s the reason why I am still hurting.

They say time heals all wounds. Highly clichéd and yet it’s true. And all I have to do now is give it time and the hurt will go away. It’s strange that in the 4 months that I have been in the USA, I miss home, now of all times, more than ever. So why have I started writing a blog after creating an account more than 2 years ago? I feel that the reason is selfish. Maybe writing this blog will make the pain go away faster. I feel that it’s hurting a lot less already.